Ruminations

This experience was not written to elicit sympathy. I have chosen to write my very detailed experience in an effort to honor my child, to benefit from writing’s therapy, to inform those interested in what transpired, and to offer empathy and hope to anyone else who has entered this circle. Note: This post contains photos of my baby, which was delivered at 17 weeks. Introduction to miscarriage Before I had my first miscarriage, I really did not know anything about them. This section can help anyone who is interested understand more about miscarriage. Around 20% of pregnancies end in miscarriage, or 30% if you count all the pregnancies that end in miscarriage that are never even known. These miscarriages happen during the first 13 weeks of pregnancy, known as the first trimester. Sean and I have experienced a miscarriage at 12 weeks as well; it was our first pregnancy. About 50% of these miscarriages result in the woman having a D&C to prevent hemorrhaging and infection...

I thought I should update anyone wondering how my anxiety has been over the last year. I am so happy to say that I feel much better! There are three reasons that contributed to this, in my opinion: 1. I relied on the Savior, Jesus Christ. I know many question (even I have at times) how one can rely on someone else that is not here on the Earth, that is seemingly dead and possibly non existent. I will tell you that my testimony of Him grew more during this time in my life than it ever had before. I spent much time in prayer, meditation, and scripture study. I joined my sister in law's Lent group (as a member of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints I don't typically participate in Lent) in which I truly studied the life of the Savior every day for 40 days. There were several days that meant more to me than others. If you're interested, I'll gladly share them with you. But, I can say that Jesus Christ is not dead. He is very much alive and He has such a desire...

I open my eyes and look at my phone. “I have to drive Kate to school today,” I think to myself. I sigh and roll over. “It’s going to be fine…everything is going to be fine.” That’s what I tell myself, but there is still a tiny knot in my stomach. I get out of bed to take a shower, my mind still wandering to the idea of driving. As I continue getting ready for the day, my thoughts wander to other things. Suddenly, I realize I am enjoying a sweet moment of release from anxiety’s grasp, but that thought tightens it once again. “Oh yeah…I have to drive today.” I quickly try to gain back my freedom, “Yeah….pfft…driving is no big deal. It’s easy. You’ve done it thousands of times. Stay positive. There’s no reason to freak out.” I start fidgeting with the skin around my nails as this monologue plays out in my head. Later in the morning, my kids and I are trying to have an enjoyable day together, but I don’t feel well again. There’s something m...

This blog post is for SAHMs who believe they are doing so because it is the BEST thing for their children. Recently, I was reading a post on facebook about how one woman has struggled with knowing that being a SAHM is a noble and worthy choice in life. She also mentioned how she felt that she wasted her college degree by staying at home and not contributing in her field of choice. I have felt for some time that many moms who have a degree and choose to stay at home often feel like this. Knowing this makes my heart sink because, as a stay-at-home mom myself, I truly feel that having a college degree does nothing but enhance my role. As a disclaimer, I want to point out that just because you are a stay-at-home mom does not mean that your children will have the best outcomes for their life; I am only going to argue that they CAN. In addition, I am going to be discussing parenting and how it affects our children; I will not be discussing the tasks that often get done by the stay...

After reading a very popular blog article about being a SAHM (woot! go team!), which can be found here , I felt impressed to write my own feelings about the biggest contributor in my life that allows me to stay home with my beautiful daughter. Behind most every stay at home mom is a generous and hardworking father. I know this comes as a bit of a shock in a feminist world; but the truth remains, if I didn't have my husband faithfully working each day to support my family's growing expenses, then I would not be able to stay (let's be real: work!) at home with my daughter. I know this isn't all fathers and I realize that the world isn't black and white. Sometimes, even with the best intentions, two willing people cannot make the SAHM situation work. However, I think the majority of willing stay at home moms have a dedicated and selfless partner. Although the father's role is often glorified in this situation, a father must place many of his own sacrifices o...